The Sex Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormones and the Cranium

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and males use love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles translate excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further since for these singles, having sex carries tremendous meaning and consequences.

Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:

A.they think sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready as well).

B.more typically, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), that makes the opportunity to make love with someone we are drawn in to extremely difficult to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), that makes us feel very near to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical responses are strong and uncontrolled , leading to effective feelings of attraction, enjoyment, closeness, love, and wellness .

However when issues emerge, those who fall under the Sex Trap typically rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is fantastic!" They probably would not confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay guys, states that a lot of his customers have actually fallen into explanation the Sex Trap.

" For gay guys especially in cities, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, encourages sexual activity. Numerous gay men wish to discover out find more info from the beginning if a prospective partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".

However, North includes, "I suspect this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is very important. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow over time.

Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and reality hits.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with common sense. While great sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying complete attention to your vision, objectives, requirements, read more and values -- while feeling all those amazing sparks!

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